Caregiving between Lives

AS the seconds turn into a minute, then the minutes turn into an hour,
I again toasted the early morning with a
“One, One, and One”
January 1st, 1am
Just by luck my sister text me Jan. 1, 1pm.
With speed I respond by
Jan. 1, 1pm, and 01 minute.
Such luck, to start the new year off with.

eller road bridge

What does this routine have to do with anything?

As times passes so does our body, from the day were born, thru our childhood, active adult year, into our senior years, every human person ages, and so does animals,
the earth we stand on, insects, plants and planets.

Beatrice mother, and family

As I was growing up I never really realize what the word Caregiver was about, because in our family it became an auto, a natural action given.

Family took care of family, mother and father, aunties, grandparent cared for children and their friends if needed.
Caring wasn’t a routine it was instinctive, it was not expected, it was shared, it is part of the Hawaiian culture and understood within oneself.

The caring for our parents was easier because we were a large family of sharing and wanting to take responsibility that we felt within each one of ourselves.

Self gratitude and meaning came from it. And I am sure this is true for so many people, no matter where they live, or under what condition.


 With every teaching there is always something we learn to accept, a condition or thought we can not change due to that individual thinking and acceptance.
My brothers, sisters, and I were very obedient when it came to our fathers concerns.

Our mother was an Angel, wanting to give back just as much we wanted to give her.  Her passing was a shock and took us all by surprise, even her doctors. Our mother was a positive minded good loving spirit and lived life, for every little awe that presented itself before her.
She lived within the present moments of seconds, with stong mind and will.

She to was a care giving friend and helped others outside family needs. People accepted her freely and return lovingly kindness given. And she had a way of turning a grumpy person  into a laughing soul.


On the other hand, our father was of different personality.
With the help of our younger sister she found an organization called Hospice,
but for us it was the last few weeks of his life before they could assist
us with information.
By this time, our dad brow beat a few of us, and it was taking its toll.
I requested Micheal to help. Michael made the arrangement,
and I personally made the truck payment,
cause keeping the truck on the road was his only income.
Our father won’t deal with anyone else.
Micheal re-grouped the family, and together they continued our
fathers wishes so he could pass away at home.

That took a lot of love, caring, giving, on all their part.

Months later, in a class I learned it was not unusual for a person nearing the
end of life, to become irrational, blaming, pushing love ones away.
Some males can’t stand a girl or woman watch them,
they become more stress.  Then finally which I know is true,
“The fear there’s no one there, to save you”
is something deep in the back of our mind.

The silver hair woman is Doris Rhodefer, a 95 year smart, and spunky,
lady whom gives her son a hard time.
She has a custom of living a certain style and demands her attention,
which seem to be part of her birth sign.
The residents tell me she can be bossy, yet she has a heart of love,
and many people adore her.

Ron and his mom Doris Rhodefer

Her one and only child is Ron. To my eyes he is much like
his mother, but Doris says he is just like his father.
Only a mother knows!
No matter what, they have the love and respect for each other,
and that’s what counts.

Ron and Doris Rhodefer

A while back Doris slip causing a brain bleed after her fall.
That fall changed her independent lifestyle,

I automatically shifted my mind for caring for Doris at home,
but later learn the nursing facility we moved her too, was the best place
for her and for Ron and in reality for myself, due to
unforseen health problems that arose later on for Ron.

Understanding a little about nursing facilities through my daughter whom
is a care giver and my grandfathers experience.
In respect,
I greet the adults of all ages whether they respond or not, when I entered
their home, yes their home, I personally don’t label it as a nursing facility.

Each resident has their own self value and pride.
They watched me just as much, I watched them.
Some would grin, while others hold a stern look all day long.

Doris Rhodefer

Ron, never missed a day, but his mother would never remember that,
due to her short-term memory lost.
This little problem was solved when I bought her a small notebook and
ink pen, so she could keep daily notes.
When a question or statement arose that she couldn’t remember the day
before, we asked her to look at her notes. After she read it,
a grin and deep breath would follow, she was satisfied.

For myself I have learned what the pace is like in Doris’s residents,
it is very hard in the beginning, but then it becomes familiar.
It is a little country of its own, with busy bees, working bees, that
I admire, including the staff, students, and volunteers.

I dedicate my thanks for people who have the personality to become a
caregiver and still maintain a normal family life.
No matter if it is a nursing home, or private home,
it is a special talent.

These special people carry a lot of inner peace,
to get through the hard moments when things happen.
Each caregiver has their own reasons, and self rewards, hopes and dreams.
Each individual person has an importance, not seen by the outside world,
yet the energy and passion flows beyond the doors.

Thank You.